My Number 1 Nemesis

Alcohol!! Yep, booze, specifically either red wine (Merlot in particular) or Scotch (with coke zero... as if that helps!!) And I act like a spoilt teenager about it too. I WANT IT... and I will have it cause I can!!! So there!

Ridiculous.

I had a counsellor tell me once that I "Self medicate on alcohol" ... Duh!! You reckon??  It's amazing I still have a functioning liver.

So, I am sitting typing this while drinking.. yep, confessing all while sucking down on scotch & coke zero. How pathetic is that?

I tell myself on a regular basis that I "will stop drinking" on such and such a day. And sometimes I do. Usually only for that day! Occasionally for a day or two more (but that is usually dependent on how smashed I was when I pledged)

Ok, so confession out of the way. I KNOW that to get total control of my life, my health, my fitness... I need to get control of this monster. Can I? To be honest, I'm not sure. It is an addiction, it scares me.. but I am aware of it. I guess that is a start.

The sad part is that so much of my life is missing... I don't remember so many details, and I worry, is this because I drink? Or is this normal? Do people really remember everything in their lives? Or have I destroyed precious memories because of my selfish behaviour. My OH tells me now how proud he is because I have cut back on my drinking. But really, is it anything to be proud of because a bottle of scotch now lasts 3-4 days instead of 1-2? I really think not.

So, this will be a challenge for me. I would love to be able to "just have an occasional social drink when out" but is this really an option? Would I be better off getting to a point of abstinence? Can I actually do that?


Any feedback would be truly appreciated. This will definitely be a work in progress. I hope the upgrade will be finished soon :)