TGIF

Well, it is Friday of my first week back with 12WBT and so far all is going pretty well. I have managed to get up and do the excercise every morning except this morning. I will be doing my toning this afternoon after I take the rogue dog for her walk.

I have managed to go alcohol free all week! For me, that is HUGE!! And that was despite having some worrying news earlier in the week to do with work and the future of the company both myself and the OH work for. My initial thought was to reach for a drink when I got home. But I took the dog for a walk and thought if I still felt like one after walking I would buy one of those baby bottles of wine on the way home (we walk right past the bottle shop about 2 mins from home). Even if I had wanted to, I couldn't cause I forgot to take any money... and after getting home really couldn't be bothered going out to get one. Win for me! Also didn't have a celebratory drink after we got our quarterly bonus unexpectedly in our pays on Thursday. Instead, I have been enjoying soda water with lemon in a lovely big wine glass. Strange & unusual but extremely welcome change in my behaviour, I hope it lasts.

This weekend we are heading down to the coast for a Fathers Day lunch with the OH's kids on Sunday. We will drive down on Saturday and stay the night. I am planning on doing the SSS first thing in the morning... ouch! I have booked a room at a little motel right on the beach, so I am planning on a nice long beach walk either Saturday afternoon or Sunday morning, or maybe both. With the full moon, maybe a romantic stroll with the OH could be on the cards also ;)

First Day of a new 12WBT Round

Today has been good. Although it took a bit to convince myself to get out of bed this morning, I managed to crawl out and get ready for a gym session before work. Did Mish's gym program except for the running, just used the X-Trainer, bike and rower, then came home (I walk to the gym) and finished the rest of the excercises here. 450 calories burnt :)





Had my usual brekkie of porridge with skim milk, showered dressed and headed off to work.

Snack was a banana, and a coffee.

Had lunch with a lovely new friend, not really on Mish's menu, but from what I worked out on Calorie King came in just over 300 calories, so happy with that. It's not often i manage to get away from the office during the day and I usually just eat my lunch at my desk, so this was a very welcome diversion.

When I got home I changed into some comfy walking clothes and took my hyperactive Border Collie for a walk and game of chasing the ball in the park. I didn't bother to wear my heart rate monitor figure whatever I burnt is a bonus.







Dinner... OMG, DINNER!!! I think I have a new favourite meal. Cajun Fish Stew. Nom nom nom!! Was a bit wary of this, didn't really know how it would be, but thought I'd give it a go. Absolutely fantastic, will definitely be having this one again.




So now, I'm off to clean the kitchen, have a cup of herbal tea and read or watch tv till bedtime. A good first day for the new round. (Imagine a big sigh of satisfaction)

Return of the Wayward Blogger

Hello Blog, yes, I am still here... I have not fallen off the planet at all! Where have I been? Well, yes I have been on the computer... it hasn't been broken. Truth is, I stopped.... just stopped! I still went to work and did stuff, but fear made me stop moving forward. And so, dear Blog, I stopped blogging too. Because this was my way of tracking my progress, I felt as if there was none being made... so there was no point and a great deal of embarrassment in trying to write about anything.


So, what has been happening in the last 5 months or so?? I finished my second round of 12WBT and lost another 4 or 5 kilos. Then I signed up for another round and lost no weight at all. My excuse? Injury. Fact: because I was hurt and couldn't excercise I just ate & drank whatever I wanted. Strangely enough I maintained and haven't put on any weight! Although I am a bit squidgier. So, here I am at 68kg and a size 14... still a vast improvement on where I started. But only halfway to where I want to be.

So... yep, you guessed it! I have rejoined for my 4th round. But, I think I have a bit of a different attitude now. I have met a wonderful person who does Reiki Crystal Healing... it has helped... a lot. She also runs a meditation group which I have gone to once and look forward to continuing to attend. So, my focus this round is much more on balance. My committment to this round sounds a bit different:




My commitment is to myself... after 3 rounds of 12WBT 
and achieving very small weight loss results in the last 2 rounds, I now commit to learning to have balance in my life. I will strive to achieve the best version of myself Physically, Mentally & Spiritually. I will watch & listen to the lessons I need to learn in order to achieve this goal both from Mish with her wealth of excercise & nutrition knowledge and elsewhere for the mental & spiritual guidance I will need. I will organise my life in order to achieve regular excercise and healthy nutrition. I will not push myself to the point of injury again but will listen to my body in order to get the best results possible. I will eat clean & healthy food and keep to the 1200 calorie limit in order to achieve a healthy BMI. I will not berate myself if I slip up, but will acknowledge my human frailties, pick myself up kindly and continue toward my ultimate goal. I commit to rediscovering the joy that has been missing in my life and learning to dance again to the music in my heart. This will not take 12 weeks, this will be my goal for the remainder of my life. Life is a journey let’s make it a long, loving and healthy trip. I am committed to doing whatever is necessary to get me there.

So, for the moment I am sticking to low impact excercise (at least I will be when I start tomorrow) I thought about jogging for my 1km time trial, but thought about how sore my back was the day before and had that niggle in my hip and (wisely I think) decided to take an alternative and did my time trial on the rowing machine. I have realised I think that I am in fact 53, not 23 or 33, not even 43... and although I believe i will manage to be strong enough to run again, that time is not now. For now the Cross Trainer & the Rowing Machine are my friends.




And so, dear Blog I am back, hopefully for a while this time. Ciao for now.

Taming My Inner Ostrich

Yep, you read right... avoidance much people? And when I go into avoidance I really do my damndest to block out EVERYTHING. On looking for this picture of an ostrich with it's head buried in the sand, I discovered that this is actually a fallacy.... they don't actually do this behaviour. That would be for us humans to emulate ... figuratively speaking anyway! And I think I am the Grand Dame (female equivalent of Master you know) of this ridiculousness. So, what have I been avoiding you ask?? Hmmm... The 12WBT Pre-Season Tasks! Ridiculous I know!

I am able now to come forward and admit to you all that ... well, I'll put up my commitment first and then continue:

"Michelle, I thought, having done this program once before that the Pre-Season Tasks would be a snap... WRONG!! I think in many ways they have been more confronting (except the kitchen makeover... cause it's still made over from last time). So I Morag Armet do commit to you Michelle Bridges and to the whole 12WBT family, that I WILL follow the nutrition plan, WILL stick to the 1200 calories per day and WILL excercise consistently 6 days per week to achieve my goals. I also acknowledge that being human I may stuff up on occasions and stumble or fall... IF this happens, I PROMISE that I WILL pick myself up, dust myself off and continue on the path to good health and fitness that I have chosen for my future."

I really thought that the Pre-Season tasks would be a snap... and then, when I had to do them... WOW, I did not want to face all that. My excuses... they should be all gone by now shouldn't they?? Apparently not. And that scared me.... especially the one that said: "I don't deserve to be fit, or thin, or happy, or healthy" Like a dagger to the heart, made me cry. I know now that I have soooo much work to do on my mindset, but that's ok! I'm worth it.... and I know this how? Cause my kids tell me... and I have a glimmer of that realisation too. It's good. It is so wonderful that my kids are proud of me... but I still feel undeserving. Yep, I'm a work in progress... just like everyone else in this world. Bring it on! 

Excuses... Dammit, I have to get real!

Let's see... Of course!


I'm "Too Old" .... Hell, why should I even be trying? Who am I trying to kid, it's not like I'm in my 20's or even my 30's or 40's!!! What the hell is the point of trying? I'm old and I'm fat - It's SOOOOO bloody hard to find the energy to do anything!! Let alone organise all the meals and what the hell 500 calories a day excercise??? What the? And is it actually humanly possible for someone my age to burn 1000calories??? SSS ... Bloody Hell!!


Ok... Kick, kick, kick... fair up the arse... don't be so bloody negative!! Of course I can do this! Just step away from the computer and put some of THAT time and energy into my excercise sessions. I know, I'm not burning as many calories as I thought I would... know what that means??? I'm healthier & stronger than I want to admit, & I need to step up more & PUSH IT!!!



I'm too "Disorganised". I'm always running late, the house is a mess, the dishes aren't done and I'm tired.


Again... "Step away from the computer" and just do what needs to be done!! For f*#ks sake I know what needs to be done, just do it. I waste sooooo much time just thinking about what I should do (Paralysis by Analysis anybody??). If I just did it straight off... well it would be done, wouldn't it???




I just need to relax and have a drink... I've had a hard week, day, hour... the last 5 minutes were a bitch (Ok, the fact that I'm writing this after having a drink is not good... but I didn't pour it until AFTER I did my 30 minutes on the treadmill... and it's my first drink since last Saturday! ).

OMG Are you listening to yourself?? Are you even counting the calories (nope... just ignoring the whole sorry mess really!) Wouldn't it have been a better idea to organise a nice dinner and clean up the kitchen. Then tomorrow morning I'd be ready to hit the ground running for a SSS session. "Shaking of Head" Obviously I know better. It will improve!!


It's TTOTM ... yep it really is, and WHY is this still happening at my age??? Where the hell is the shut off button for all this hormonal crap?? I don't want any more children, haven't for 20 years or more. I think Mother Nature got the time frame for all this entirely wrong!!

Actually for this one I'm kinda happy with myself this week.. was feeling crap yesterday afternoon (now I know why) but, I still went to my PT session. Yay me!! Wasn't the best session, but at least I still JFDI. Thanks Mish..   it is working... slowly but surely, I'm changing for the better.


And that last sentence is what it's all about really... I am improving, making small changes, getting closer to being the person I envision myself to be. I will achieve this. Yes, sometimes it is a step backwards... but how many steps forward did I achieve first. I am improving, and for that I am eternally grateful. It will continue. I will be the person of my dreams, not of my nightmares.

Ignoring the Voices

It seems that I wasn't particularly motivated on Monday to write a post. I'm not sure how I'll manage during the week, work tends to get in the way, dammit!

So, today I thought I'd talk about what started this in the first place... the need to lose weight! I've been saying for years now that "I must lose some weight" Definitely wanted to be fit and fabulous by 50...lol. Would try various "diets" and have joined numerous gyms over the years... but as is the case with so many others I would begin with the best of intentions and fall off the wagon within weeks! My motivation would dissipate like fog on a sunny day!



And then of course I joined Michelle Bridges 12 Week Body Transformation, Round 3, 2011. And amazingly to myself and those who know me, I have stuck with it!! True I didn't push myself as hard as I now know I could have... I'm still struggling to be honest with those voices that tell me that "I can't do it", "I'm too tired", "I'm too sore"... I'm sure you can relate. But I am pushing back knowing that I can do it, even if I'm too tired or too sore! I fight back with positive affirmations of what I will do.



My Motivated Monday (yesterday) didn't start the best. Went out in the morning for a planned walk/jog (still trying to learn to run - those voices aren't helping the process) and it didn't go so well. Couldn't get into a rythm, my running partner (that would be the dog) was pushing me  to go to fast, just BLAH! Managed to burn 183 calories according to my shiny pink HRM.. not brilliant, not happy. Off to work for the day - have I mentioned there are stairs to my office? That afternoon I went to a Zumba class (I am SO uncoordinated), heaps fun, I walked there and back too. Managed 588 calories. Much happier :)


Continued on today (Tuesday), had a gentle walk this morning because I knew I was going to a group workout this afternoon. Groan, Ouch....lol. We had fun (am I becoming a masochist? lol) Thanks to our fearless leader for putting together our torture sessions.

So, here I continue, where I never have before! Sticking to the meal plans, excercising 6 days a week, and more importantly, being excited about the process. I must be boring everyone around me silly with my continual chatter about it all. But I am so lucky that everyone family, friends, workmates...        are all so supportive. Thanks to them all!

Serene Sunday

I had a good day today!

Actually my good day started last night, after rereading my previous post. I went through to the kitchen, picked up my bottle of scotch and poured the remainder down the sink. I took a stand, which I managed to repeat while shopping today, by ignoring the bottle shop and telling myself to act like an adult! Let my strength & commitment continue.

I had a rest day today, no excercise. I slept in (although I did have a couple of hours of insomnia through the night - but that's fairly normal for me), I very rarely sleep in, it was good. OH cleaned the kitchen this morning. Then I messed it up...lol

Picked up a boxing bag from a friend who didn't want it (Thanks Jules) and OH hung it in the shed for me. I asked my PT to show me how to use it properly in our session this week. (Sorry, no pic)





Did the grocery shopping - didn't need much, mainly just fresh fruit & veggies.










Arrived home to find the OH using our other new toy... sweating up a storm on the treadmill (Thanks Sara). He wants to get fit and lose some weight too - so proud and happy :)










Then hit the kitchen for a cook up. Now my fridge and freezer are stocked with meals for myself and the OH.




What a boring day! And I loved it! I'm feeling calm and serene.

Just need to lay out my clothes for tomorrow now, and head to bed!

What will tomorrow be? Motivated Monday perhaps? Goodnight World!

My Number 1 Nemesis

Alcohol!! Yep, booze, specifically either red wine (Merlot in particular) or Scotch (with coke zero... as if that helps!!) And I act like a spoilt teenager about it too. I WANT IT... and I will have it cause I can!!! So there!

Ridiculous.

I had a counsellor tell me once that I "Self medicate on alcohol" ... Duh!! You reckon??  It's amazing I still have a functioning liver.

So, I am sitting typing this while drinking.. yep, confessing all while sucking down on scotch & coke zero. How pathetic is that?

I tell myself on a regular basis that I "will stop drinking" on such and such a day. And sometimes I do. Usually only for that day! Occasionally for a day or two more (but that is usually dependent on how smashed I was when I pledged)

Ok, so confession out of the way. I KNOW that to get total control of my life, my health, my fitness... I need to get control of this monster. Can I? To be honest, I'm not sure. It is an addiction, it scares me.. but I am aware of it. I guess that is a start.

The sad part is that so much of my life is missing... I don't remember so many details, and I worry, is this because I drink? Or is this normal? Do people really remember everything in their lives? Or have I destroyed precious memories because of my selfish behaviour. My OH tells me now how proud he is because I have cut back on my drinking. But really, is it anything to be proud of because a bottle of scotch now lasts 3-4 days instead of 1-2? I really think not.

So, this will be a challenge for me. I would love to be able to "just have an occasional social drink when out" but is this really an option? Would I be better off getting to a point of abstinence? Can I actually do that?


Any feedback would be truly appreciated. This will definitely be a work in progress. I hope the upgrade will be finished soon :)

Why Now??

Well, why not? It's been a long time coming! I've been wanting to start a blog - actually I did start another, I think I put up one post. It was about going camping.Then we stopped going camping... End of that particular blog!

This time I am going to be boring any brave readers with my reflections on a personal journey rather than a physical one. Hopefully it may work like a free therapy session for me where I can share my angst, my highs and lows and emerge at the other end with a better understanding of myself.

So, you may ask, what brought this on? Initially, it was about losing weight! August last year, I was a size 18.. and my size 18 jeans were getting TIGHT! Bloody Hell! Next stop was a size 20! Bugger that... NO WAY was I going to buy ANYTHING in a size 20. Now don't get me wrong, I had "tried" a few weight loss programs (I really hate shakes), joined a few gyms etc... over the years. It would work for a while (I would work for a while), then "something" would happen and I would stop - fall off that old weight loss wagon so to speak.

Then, for a few days in a row last year, on the radio while at work, I heard Michelle Bridges asking "Would you like me to be your Personal Trainer?" Finally I gave in to the message that the Universe was sending me and checked out the website she kept telling me about for her 12 Week Body Transformation program.

So, I joined, 2 days before the program started - it was a rush to get through all the Pre-Season tasks, and I didn't do them very well - but I joined and thought maybe, just maybe this might work! I thought it was just about the weight loss. I was wrong!

The program made me confront the reasons I put on weight to begin with. It was difficult, it still is. I struggled with it all, and I still am struggling. Change does not come easily and my old habits are still rearing their ugly heads and screaming at me to remain in the same old rut. I learnt some new things during the 12 weeks and tried to confront and get rid of some nasty habits that were contributing to not only my weight gain, but my unhappiness. You notice I said "tried" I did manage to lose a significant amount of weight (9.2kg) but most of my old habits are still hanging around.

So, fast forward to now! In 2 days the Pre-Season for Round 1, 2012 12WBT kicks off. This time I will do the tasks set to me with a hell of a lot more integrity than last round. This is so much more than a "Body Transformation" to me, I want to transform my life and become the best version of me. Happy, healthy, energetic, loving life and living it! Let the games begin!